Image Issues

"some freakish, garish beauty pageant" was used by a:

A. Mamapop reader to describe Toddlers in Tiaras
B. pop culture aficionado to describe Lady Gaga's music videos
C. veterinarian to describe the UK's biggest dog fancying dog show

If you guessed C, you're right! Wayne Pacelle quoted the RSPCA's Dr. Evans in his post about dog shows and the documentary showing that, in the UK at least, the pursuit of the "ideal" conformation is leading to severe inbreeding and serious diseases and disabilities for dogs.

Now, I am not opposed to responsible breeders who genuinely want to improve the genetic stock of the breed. I hope that collies are still around in 50 years and I know that likely takes work. There's a wonderful breeder I know via a book club who also rescues stray dogs and carefully controls her small breeding operation. I do think that breeding should be regulated and should have more than a physical appearance as a goal. I think that the health of the animals should be first and foremost in a breeder's plan.

When the pursuit of pet pulchritude leads to widespread genetic problems or animals who can't do normal animal things, there's something wrong.

On the opposite side are those people who care so little about how their animal looks that the animal also ends up sick. My first foster cat was never brushed and allowed to get so fat that he couldn't groom himself. As a result, poor Nik had severe painful matting on his back that had to be shaved off when he came to the shelter. A cat who doesn't groom himself, like Keen before he settled in at casa-la-Bethany, is showing signs of depression that should be addressed. Mange, fleas, matting, and more can all be results of a lack of grooming.

It doesn't surprise me that people go to both ends of the grooming spectrum with pets, we do it with ourselves. This country seems to be constantly worrying about eating disorders that range from anorexia to food addictions--sticks to stouts? Lucy March touched on the issue of women dressing in baggy gray clothes. Penelope Trunk has written multiple times about how people shoot themselves in the foot by not dressing well and taking care of their appearance (I disagree that this should include $80 eyebrow waxings, I enjoy reading her but I don't always agree with her specifics).

My response: recommitting myself to responsible grooming for my pet(s) and myself. Keen doesn't have any health issues now because he is licking himself again, but his white paws are looking a little dingy so I'll give them a gentle cleaning with some great smelling cat foam. Me, I'll break down and buy new jeans so I'll look great at my adoption event this weekend. Penelope did say that better looking sales people have higher sales so maybe this will help me get more dogs adopted ;)

Really, I'm shopping for the dogs.

Patience, Human

Despite my favorite professional compliment (ever!) being that I'm "meticulous and patient," in my personal life, I'm horribly impatient.

I like to have plans figured out far in advance, my packing list is written up days before I actually pack, I hate waiting for rsvps, and get anxious if things aren't hopping right away at a party. I like to have things turn out great immediately when I've put work into them. Ideally, I'll show up, give my best effort, and then immediately have great results.

Sometimes life does work that way. Most of my foster cats have bonded with me quickly and shown great affection to me within a few days of coming home. I fight my impatience and keep them separated from Toby, but they reward me for that by crawling in my lap, giving me headbumps and flank rubs, and being happy to see me even when I'm not providing food at the moment. I'm even good at being patient with animals in short-term ways. I can sit quietly in a room with an animal for 30 min at a time multiple times a day in a week until the animal finally comes up and investigates me. I have short-term patience when I'm training Toby. But patience in getting an animal to show affection toward me after almost a month...that's difficult for me. Extremely.

Keen, other than the first day I was sick, hasn't really warmed up to me. He does come to the door when I come home (sometimes) but he looks at me and then walks away. I have yet to get a real headbutt or flank rub from him.

I feed him wet food that he likes, he does let me pet him while he's eating and for a few seconds when I come over to where he's lying in the hallway. The other night he let me sit 3 feet from him but got up and moved when the next night I tried for 2 feet. He shows me his stomach when I get up at 3am for cough syrup (yeah, the cold's not totally kicked yet) and stretches in that friendly way cats have. He's purred when I've picked him up a few times, other times he'll just lash his tail.

I know that he's 15 years old. I know that he was yelled at for being affectionate and cuddly so he's probably hesitant to be that way again. I keep going over in my mind the steps and ways to work with shy cats. I sit close, but not touching. I pet when feeding and keep an eye on his tail and ears and stop as soon as he seems upset. I avoid eye contact. I avoid startling him. I avoid making him feel trapped. I engage him in playbond time. In sum, I'm doing all I can to be patient and it feels so much like not doing anything, except for the playing. Admittedly, the playtimes are very short since he's old and gets very excited before stopping and napping after about 2 minutes.

One of my favorite songs in Wicked tells us that some believe that people come into our lives for a reason, teaching something we must learn. If we expand that to animals, I think Keen is here to teach me what no adult ever could--to be patient over the long term. He's a good cat. I just need to trust that, with time and unconditional (and appropriately shown) love, he'll come around and show some of the affection he used to have.

Lesson from Toby (and other animals)

I have scared Toby (on accident!) before and I have given him the indignity of a bath. I have caused Toby to be upset with me.

However, within ten minutes he's always back to being a happy loving kitty who wants me to know how much he loves me by purring as loudly as possible. Even when I brought him to the shelter to be microchipped and he was terrified of the noises and strange smells, he was back to his usual self shortly after we returned home.

Why do I mention this?

Because it's been on my mind from the moment I woke up and debated whether I could wear silver flats with chocolate pants.

I had a bad day yesterday and was nervous. I've known plenty of people who hold grudges and I get nervous when I think someone might hold a grudge against me--regardless of whether I think they deserve to be mad at me. However, I resolved to be cat-like, not catty today.

You know what, it worked. When I started to get irritated I just thought of how Toby always gets past it when I frighten him, how Nik who wasn't used to so much attention has recovered and doesn't hold a grudge against humanity, and how Brody (a badly abused pit) was always full of love toward people.

Now, this is not to say we can't psychologically scar animals and that they don't remember. Anyone who has seen a dog or cat scared of a certain type of person or even people in general, knows that something awful has happened. But for the most part--pets just get over it. You're nice to the puppy now, he'll wag his tail as though you never accidentally stepped on it because you were in a rush and not watching where you were going.

I'm trying to do this in my life and at least today it worked. I'll see if I can keep it up for the second part of Lent--approaching compassion by just getting over it like the cats and dogs I love can do.